Nine things you probably never knew about Carlo Sands

Well I did one of thise *fucking* horrible facebook *game* things were you do something stupid like "like" some bastard's status and then they do something like "assign" you a number and tell you you have to go and tell people that many things they probably don't know about you. Well, as I fucking went and did the goddamn thing, I might as well not waste it and put it here, on my blog, for ever more. For the record, it replaces the old goddamn post based on an old goddamn Facebook "who are you" type list game thing ...

As "Mysterious" is my middle name, here are nine things probably don't know about Carlo Mysterious Sands:

1) My solo album “Carlo Sands Sings The Blues” reached 48 in the Bulgarian folk music charts in 1982.

2) I didn’t kill either of the Kennedys and really wish Mick Jagger would stop defaming me at Rolling Stones concerts. Seriously, I have alibis for the times in question.

3) I sometimes wear pants for fun.

4) I once tried to convince Genghis Khan to invade New Zealand and he was all like “where the fuck’s that?” The man had no vision, though he did offer a nice drop of fermented mare’s milk.

5) Leonardo Da Vinci stole most of my best ideas.

6) I have never won any award, of any kind, for poetry *at all*. IKR? Unfuckingbelievable. I am not going to pretend I am not bitter.

7) I spent the royalties from my solo album on my pear cider addiction. It is the devil’s drink. I apologise to anyone whose hair I cut in 1987, I was out of control.

8) While I have a huge number of qualities and talents, you all know all about them obviously, as they are all self-evident. But many of you may not know I do have one major flaw – I am far too modest. I hate to blow my own trumpet and get embarrassed if anyone ever says anything good about me, which means pretty much being permanently embarrassed, which explains why I drink so much to cope.

9) You may not be aware that living comedy legend Rod Quantock said: "Carlo Sands is a sharp, well-informed political comedian who crafts laughter from the absurdities of Left and Right." This is because I hate to highlight such things and, having done a mere modest round of spamming all my social media outlets with the quote, I have simply left it highlighted at my Facebook “fan” page, which you can like, if you like. I am not really bothered. I don’t really like adulation. Did you read what Rod said? I call him Rod, coz like I’ve met him and he is a fan and I like to be personable with fans. You can like my page if you want.

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