Thursday, June 04, 2009

Shane MacGowan gets his teeth fixed??? First sign of the coming Armageddon?

I never thought such a day would come.

I mean, this is one crazy, mixed up world — that no one can deny.

But there has always been a constant. One thing on which we could hold on to. Something solid in this ever-changing world.

Something that represented all that was good, decent and worth holding on to as we slide further and further towards the abyss of barbarism.

Shane MacGowan's teeth.

Comrade MacGowan's teeth were a symbol of everything right in the world. A rebellion against all that was false, manufactured, artificially smooth.

A permanent defence of permanent drunkenness — years of abuse of intoxicants created those teeth! They were an achievement, a life well lived!

Of course, it should be added than an apparently decisive moment came when he allegedly broke his set badly after an all-day drinking session that ended with him tripping over a pile of bricks.

But such a gain is not just the product of one day's work. You spend your life drunk, sooner or later you will trip over a pile of bricks and create a mouth to be proud of!

But, it pains me to say, no more.

No, Shane MacGowan has turned his back on everything he once stood for.

He has gotten his chompers fixed.

Yes, this is how he spent the money he eared from a recent tour with a re-grouped Pogues.

This raises serious ethical questions.

Did those Pogues fans forking out hard-earned cash to go and see the original Pogues line up, with MacGowan out front once more, know this is how the tour's profits would be spent?

Did they know that they would be complicit in MacGowan betraying everything he once stood for?

That he would bugger off to fucking Spain to fill the bank account of some overpaid tooth quack to fix him up with some new-fangled fangs?

Well check it out. Here is Shane as we knew and loved him.






And here he is after his cosmetic surgery.





You see how he has caved in to the demands to submit to the dominant body image? See how smooth and conventionally handsome he now looks?

Oh the shame of it all.

I firmly belief that this is the first sign of the coming Armageddon.

And I will say this: if it turns out that Comrade MacGowan has started attending AA meetings, then the final battle between good and evil will have begun.

If this is the case, I trust all readers of this blog will find themselves in the front line — broken whiskey bottle in hand.



'I'll chop you down like an old dead tree...' A good example of Shane MacGowan's teeth in the pre-Armageddon days, before we were over-taken by the all-encompassing battle between the forces of Good and Evil.



21 comments:

  1. Conehead the Barbiturate4 June 2009 at 21:08

    Fuck! Now I can no longer point to anyone vaguely fashionable & with cred when people make comments about my black and yellow stumps. Shit!

    Not sure that "Yeah but so does Shane MacGowan" ever really took the wind out of my detractors' sails, however.

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  2. Well, Conehead, there is no doubt: you now have officially the world's worst teeth.

    Comgratulations! A new idol.

    Don't go a changin'... or using Colgate.

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  3. When I told Bazza how upsetting I found this whole incident, she said it reminded her of how she felt when she learned that Patrick Swayze had terminal cancer.

    I think she is treating this too light-heartedly. Swayze never sung Rainy Night in Soho with rotten teeth.

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  4. If I saw those new teeth in real life I'd accuse them of being Photoshopped.

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  5. Hippes-Terre D'Ouchebague13 November 2009 at 19:27

    Look at the bright side...at least he bought yellow instead of white ones.

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  6. Small mercies.

    Still I wouldn't be surprised if he bought them pearly white and turned them yellow in two days.

    That would be the most reassuring set of events.

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  7. It's all such a pose.

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  8. I LOVE Shane. I have a Pogue Mahone tattoo. If he never got his teeth fixed?... No big deal. But it really does get in the way of him singing. Plus its not even just a "looks" thing. Without teeth yer face starts to cave in on its self. I get yer point which i think is mostly in jest but why would we not want one of the few great poet/songwriters left to fix himself up so we can actualy enjoy his voice.

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  9. ....and make out his great lyrics?

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  10. You are claiming health reasons? For Shane MacGowan?

    And trying to decipher MacGowan's lyrics is half the enjoyment of listening to him.

    And then, Anonymous, there is your allegation that my post was "mostly in jest".

    Allow me to assure you nothing Carlo Sands says or does is, in the slightest, ever in jest. I have lived too long and then found out I was dead months after the terrible event via a Facebook quiz “When will you die?” for that.

    When you live through events like that, you find you have little time for "jests".

    Carlo Sands,
    deceased

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  11. I have just seen a video and Shane is no teeth.

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  12. Shane MacGowan without a busted gob just ISN'T Shane MacGowan. Maybe he should get a set of broken teeth made specially for live performances so he doesn't scare/confuse the fans. Just a thought.

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  13. Dear "the thoughts of chaiman blog" (if that be your true name),

    I appreciate your suggestion, but it could only maskt he problem. The damage is donw. He can hide his shiny, intact, complete set of teeth all he likes, but he can't hide his *soul*. It just is not the same.

    Still, it must only be a matter of time now till he falls over again and knocks a couple out and chips a good couple more.

    Carlo Sands
    (deceased)

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  14. In his current look, at least he looks different (in a good way) and presentable. It made me reminisce about my uncle when he got his teeth knocked off due to him falling off the stairs. A few days later, I accompanied him to the dentists in Edgewater that I frequent and treated him for a dental implant operation. A few sessions later, it's like he hasn't been in an accident at all!

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  15. Phew, this clears things up - new picture explains what's going on http://www.flickr.com/photos/jydesign/5491620874/

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  16. Thank you, Anonymous, for giving Carlo Sands FUCKING NIGHTMARES.

    And Saundra, congratulations on posting coherent and relevant spam. It is so very rare.

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  17. You guys are forgetting that He needs to EAT and CHEW his food..no teeth no chewing!
    I think his biggest talent is his personality and his awesome lyrics...who cares how he looks like, teeth or no teeth, gum or yellow fake teeth, the guy is still a great performer.

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  18. That is just apologetics, Anonymous, for the cosmetic industry that, profiteering parasites they are, prey on induced insecurities about petty things such as "ability to chew".

    I mean, since when do you chew booze?

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  19. So many assholes here... not surprised.

    Shane's new look is beautiful. I'm right, everyone else is a Palin voter.

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  20. I wonder how many people really die in the gutter each year

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