Monday, April 12, 2010

Dear Kyle Sandlilands and 2Day FM management

2Day FM morning show host Kyle Sandilands, the scumbag who gives bags filled with scum a bad name, is facing media controversy again.

The April 11 Sydney Morning Herald said Sandilands’ “ seemingly unguarded comments in a recent trade industry podcast have caused further ructions within 2Day FM”.

This being the man who responded to a 14-year-old girl’s shock revelation while strapped to a lie detector live on air and questioned about her sex life that she had in fact been raped, “so have you had any other sexual experiences?”

Ever a charming fellow, Sandilands forced his 2Day FM morning radio show’s newsreader Geoff Field to resign through constant on air bullying.

Sandilands described Field as “like a step child you can't get rid of”.

Field complained to 2Day FM’s human resources about the constant public belittling. Sandilands responded in the Media Week podcast with: “He was running off down to HR . . . bitching and carrying on ... Geoff's an older gay man, easily offended.”

Field will now work on 2Day FM’s drive time show with Andy and Hamish.

Field, who addressed Sydney’s March 20 demonstration in favour of legalising same-sex marriage, has actually shown a willingness to perform acts aimed at human progress — as opposed to Sandilands’ ceaseless efforts to try to drown it in a sewer.

But it wouldn’t be right to direct all the blame at Sandilands. By his own admission, he is just doing his job.

The SMH article noted: “Sandilands says when he started on 2Day's night-time program Hot 30, management wanted someone to stir things up. ‘That's what [then program director] Jeff Allis said to me: Do what you want. Don't listen to anyone. If you don't like what the program manager says, just don't do it,’ Sandilands says.

“‘He was my get-out-of-jail-free card. So I sailed through my first five or six years at Austereo protected by the group program director. That's why I was such an arsehole to everyone and anyone.’”

But after Sandliands, already reviled for the on-air rape stunt, advised comedian Madga Szabanski that she should try a Nazi concentration camp to lose more weight, the public criticism was getting pretty extreme.

So, he had a crisis meeting with Austereo chairperson Peter Harvie.

Said Sandilands: “I was more cautious with Peter Harvie than anyone else on the planet because I’d already lost the Idol job and I was thinking this guy holds the purse strings to my other income.

“He told me ... ‘We’re in trouble and I don’t know how we’re going to get through this.’ Told me people were out for my blood. People were out for his blood.

“He came to the decision that I would continue the suspension for another few weeks and he thought it would be a good idea if the salary I earned in that time was distributed through charities...”

Sandilands, concerned as ever with the cause closest to his own heart, responded: “I didn't think that was a good idea because I wanted the money.”

So, while I am on the topic of letters to dear friends, I thought it only fair to lay off the US ruling class for a minute to focus closer to home.

I am, however, fucking lazy. Therefore, I have decided to leave it the the greatest poet I know: John Cooper Clarke. You can now enjoy the Bard of Salford in conjunction with this blog’s renowned collection of google ads, just at the top of the page (great money-spending opportunities only a click away).

This poem is not just dedicated to Sandilands, the public face of vomit, but the likes of Allis and Harvie who stick their fingers down his throat to help him spew up on air.

“Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag”

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